Veteran music composer and singer Anand Raaj Anand has opened up about one of the most difficult phases of his life, revealing that he suffered from clinical depression and suicidal thoughts after stepping away from the Hindi film industry and relocating to London.In a conversation with Faridoon Shahryar, Anand spoke about his mental health struggles, the changing landscape of Bollywood music, and how the overwhelming response to songs like Dil De Diya Hai has helped him reconnect with his creative passion.
‘It was a suicidal depression ‘
Recalling the period after 2011, Anand revealed that he went through a severe bout of depression that lasted for years.“2011 ke baad mujhe clinical depression ho gaya tha. It was a suicidal depression,” he said.The composer explained that after years of nonstop success, he decided to take a break and spend more time with his family. However, the pause coincided with major changes in the music industry.“Jab time achha chal raha hota hai, aadmi ke paas sab kuch hota hai, sirf time nahi hota. Maine 11-13 saal itna kaam kiya ki vacation tak nahi le paya. Phir industry corporate ho gayi. Pehle producers, directors aur financiers baithkar music banate the. Baad mein sab WhatsApp aur computers par shift ho gaya. Mujhe laga main plastic aur computer ke saath kaam kar raha hoon,” he said.
Why he moved to London
Anand said he moved to the UK hoping to take a short break and make up for lost family time.“I felt I had worked enough and should spend some time with my family. I went to the UK, travelled and focused on personal life. But when I returned, many new composers had entered the industry. My mistake was that I thought I could take a break. That break ended up breaking me,” he admitted.According to Anand, the industry’s growing corporate structure made it difficult for someone accustomed to the more personal and collaborative way of working that existed earlier.
‘From 2011 to 2020, I was on medication’
The singer revealed that his condition became so severe that he required long-term treatment.“My depression was clinical. Let me tell you honestly, I have never spoken about this on any podcast before. From 2011 to 2020, I was on medication,” he said.Anand recalled consulting renowned psychiatrist Dr Asit Seth, who advised him to avoid stress and focus on recovery.He described how the illness affected his ability to function creatively.“There was a time when I would say, ‘Close the doors, make the room dark, don’t make any noise.’ I could not create anything. That was my condition,” he shared.
Finding hope through music again
The turning point came when doctors encouraged him to reconnect with the creativity that had defined his life.“My doctor told me that until I returned to creativity and started enjoying the gift that nature had given me, the depression would not go away,” Anand said.He revealed that during this phase he even wrote an unreleased Punjabi song inspired by his mental health struggles. The lyrics reflected feelings of isolation, loss and hopelessness that he experienced during that period.Despite the darkness, Anand eventually returned to writing and composing every day, saving ideas on his computer and slowly rebuilding his confidence.
The resurgence of Dil De Diya Hai
The composer also spoke about the renewed popularity of his music across social media, particularly Dil De Diya Hai, which has found a new audience through reels and short-form content.Responding to the mention that a reel featuring the song had crossed over eight million views, Anand said, “These are cult songs. Sometimes songs are created that touch people’s hearts.”He added that music remains his “oxygen” and that every emotion in his life—whether happiness or pain—eventually turns into a song.“Even depression became a song. My sorrow becomes a song, my happiness becomes a song. Music is my oxygen,” he said.The composer also credited his comeback to the enduring love listeners have shown for tracks such as Dil De Diya Hai, Uncha Lamba Kad, Hoth Rasiley and Billo Rani, many of which continue to trend years after their release.
