Have you noticed how a simple conversation about coffee can turn into a highly political, complex and polarising debate? Something that will test your understanding of geopolitics, environmental stress, economics, even gut health and cholesterol.There was a time when a cup of coffee usually came with three possibilities: black, cappuccino or filter kaapi. But clearly, that is no longer enough. And if your host or a social acquaintance asks you, “How do you like your coffee?”, you’d rather not make the mistake of saying “normal”. Because, as far as the trendy beans are concerned, there is no such thing as ‘normal’.Coffee literacy is the new social currency. A true caffeine snob is not interested in mass produced generic beans, instead, they take considerable pride in speaking eloquently about estates, plantations, acidity and microfoams. The relative merits of an Aeropress versus a moka pot. Why choosing the right filter paper is crucial when using a pour-over apparatus at home or at work. And how siphon brewing brings out the smoothest flavours.Coffee shops are designed to test both your palate and your appetite for adventure. While some will embrace anything that makes for great pictures – matcha, coconut, strawberry and craft ice – purists will make meditative statements about the perfect crema. And why whiskey and pineapple barrel-fermented coffee is not the “real thing”. And then, of course, comes the other layer of deliberations: oats, almond or regularmilk for your hot coffee or cold brew. Buying retail packs is not for the uninitiated either. Unless you are going straight for the ‘instant’ kinds, you need to find the perfect grind, acidity level, and notes that suit your palate. Not to mention the roast: dark, medium, super-dark or simply light.In other words, coffee is not for the unmindful anymore. Or anyone unable to master the art of coffeespeak.
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So the next time you find yourself cornered by a barista asking about your preferred processing method, just nod sagely and remember: if all else fails, you can always go home, boil some water, and secretly enjoy that jar of instant coffee in the dark. We won’t tell.
